20 June 2018
My hometown Pusan in South Korea is a world-famous beach city with fine sands, clear water and well preserved grandeurs from nature and man-made. Especially in summer, the city is full of tourists buzzing with noise and colorful activities. Unlike today, however, when I was growing up, the country was still quite poor and remained relatively unknown. It was not until the mid 80’s, after the transition of ruling power from the oppressive military to a more democratic approach that the country surged to grow to the developed status as it is today. Growing up in that quiet and reserved environment, our food and needs were simple, activities and exposures were also very minimal. There were plenty of wild fields for us to run around and play the whole day. We could also go to the nearest seaside whenever we want; building sand castles, swimming or jumping around the green moss-filled rocks and harvesting clams and muzzles to bring back for mother to cook dinner.
I especially loved watching the vastness of the sea and hearing its rumbling sound. It filled my heart with a sense of awe and deep longing to leave its permanent echoes in my young spirit. The rumbling sound of sea, the smell of sea salt and the red sunset over the horizon…I wondered what will be there beyond that horizon. It seemed very near and yet so far way. I wasn’t sure where it is coming from but certain force from it kept pulling me to its direction. Its voice, its wonder, its longing never left me whatever I was doing, wherever I was. It always stayed at the back of my mind. I carried that dreamy longing into my teens and early adult life. I got fascinated with mythology, Indian mysticism, Eastern philosophy and Buddhism in where they all talk about the mystic force in different ways. The Old Testaments says we are made in the image of God. I am not a Christian but I particularly loved this part because it reminded me of our inborn novelty and holiness.
We all are born with a belief in God, whether we are aware of it or not. It is a sense of otherness, the mystery that we feel once in a while from ordinary or sometimes not so ordinary affairs from our life. Our inborn humanity demands us to find out each others’ unique way to give the name and forms to it, to express our gratitude to the mystic power. Some choose a more conventional religious approach while some others do not. For me, since my upbringing wasn’t really a religious one—my parents were busy earning living—I had difficulty relating what I was searching for with any object-related images. I preferred to say ‘Nature’ that upholds and maintains this universe in such perfect order of time and space. That peculiar feeling, longing of the unknown, the mystic land in where there is no ugly witches but only goodness and happiness are, were where I wanted to go, where we all want to belong, so that there is no tension, hatred, tragedy, conflicts, and sadness. We could feel always safe. Then we could live as the divine nature as we are. The rumbling sound of the sea in me got louder every time when my efforts to find my place in the society didn’t sail smooth. There were too much wind and tornadoes that I had to struggle through.
Then, one day, I found the sanctuary. It was readily available for me to reach all along, all this time. When I learned to meditate formally in my 20’s, I felt as though I came home. It felt so comfortable and secure. I thought the mystic land was in far away but no. It was in my heart. Whenever I felt troubled, I would close my eyes. Then I could find my composure. Even not in troubled but happy moments, I would close my eyes to settle the excitement. Not feeling anything, but I still closed my eyes because I liked it just as it is. Gradually it helped me to stop longing and instead start teaching me to live life as it comes without worrying about the outcomes. It slowly changed me inside out and outside in. From the shy and reserved girl from a small town, I dared to step out, alone to other lands, cultures, people and languages that were not my origin. Most significantly, it led me to the abode of infinite abundance and joy within me that is available in anywhere, to anyone. If you reach out your hands there, then, you will also able to discover that life is so precious and worthy of living, for everyone is special with something to offer in life. We just need to open our hearts, extend our understanding and acceptance of oneself as well as others.
Easy to say but how do you do that? You only need to turn around, to keep quiet, be still as much as you can, away from clutters, mental chatters, and distractions. Then the tiny light from within will get bigger and bigger infusing you with subtle joy and bliss. Once you taste it, then, you will remember you had lived with it all the time as a child, but forgotten as you grow, because you got busy burying the nose in the world. I have never forgotten. I continued my search to find out where it is coming from and followed its queue. Then I finally realized, in my mid forty, that it was nothing but my own inner self looking for ways to reach out to you, to the world, to the universe and God. I no longer had to feel alienated and alone. When I look into people’s eyes, I can also see the same deep oceanic peace and longing; so pure, calm and shining, especially obvious after rounds of Yoga and meditation. This is how we become close to the divine, the angels, and the immortals in the story books. Life is beautiful when you can live in tune with the mysteries in your heart. Then the mystery will unveil itself in time to enrich our life with more wisdom, abundance, happiness and joy. This is what I would like you to have also…